Q: THE (NOT VERY) NAUGHTY FANFICTION OF GEORGE WASHINGTON EATING A BIG MAC
The greatest Founding Father of the greatest country the world has ever seen sank his teeth into the rich, juicy meat of the hamburger, greatest food of the greatest country the world has ever seen. A single droplet of meat-juice escaped from the delicious burger and made its way down his chin, where it lingered, shining. Paul Revere watched it from his position next to him on the amber waves of grain that flowed all the way to the purple mountains majesty on the horizon.
"Look," he said. "A bald eagle."
It was indeed a bald eagle that soared across the spacious skies above the two Founding Fathers, and they watched it fly. It was the most beautifully patriotic sight the two extremely manly men had ever seen, and it would have brought a tear to the eye of George Washington, had he not been too manly to cry.
"Are you going to finish your burger?" asked Paul Revere, looking hungrily at George Washington's manly hands holding the deliciously American food.
"Of course," said George Washington. He took another juicy bite of the meaty burger, licking his lips, which Paul Revere watched with some interest. "This is the best food that has ever graced the universe. Obviously God loves America and wants it to be happy."
"Of course," said Paul Revere. "Do you want to stay here in these amber waves of grain, or go home to the real small-town America, grab our guns, and defend our country?"
"Let's go home and grab each others' guns," said George Washington. "That way, the enemies of America will be confused."
"Great idea," agreed Paul Revere. "Let's grab each others' guns."
They climbed on their horses and rode home in an extremely heterosexual manner.
(Alexander Hamilton, please.)
Asked by Anonymous